Grief Is Not Linear

Grief is Not Linear

I was listening to a Mel Robbins podcast episode that made me think about grief differently. I am well acquainted with grief,it has been many years but I am still learning there’s more to grief than one expects. This episode taught me that.

Here are some ideas about grief that stood out for me and why.

Stop comparing your grief to others.

I have seen this happen. I have done this. When you compare your grief to someone else’s you put yourself either higher or lower on the list. My grief isn’t as bad as yours or my grief is worse than yours. It also makes for comparison between how far someone is in their grief journey. You either put yourself down for not being as far as so and so or you put them down for not moving forward as quickly as you. That’s not fair.

What’s the worst grief? Yours!

This one really hit my heart because I have caught myself comparing my grief to others or there have been instances that others compared their grief to mine. No one’s grief is worse than yours. There is no comparison. Your grief matters! Their grief matters.

Grief is not linear.

There is no recipe or step by step process in grief. Yes, there are stages, but you may experience one and then another and be back at one. That is okay. There is no one right way to grieve. No right way to mourn.

Grief needs to be witnessed.

It was pointed out to me recently that a friend of mine just wanted her grief to be witnessed. She asked me how I made it to that first anniversary. I had no answer. Later I realized she just wanted me to be a witness to her loss. To the unimaginable fact that the daughter she loved has been gone for a year.

You are the proof that the one you love and lost existed.

We all have different things we keep as physical reminders that our loved ones existed. I have a curio cabinet with a bus, a bear that my daughter never saw because it was her Christmas present she never unwrapped, jingle bells from my boys’ Christmas concert and hand and footprints and even a shirt that my son wears, but it’s not just the physical items that remind me that they existed. I am proof and so are you.

Even after all these years, there are ideas and concepts I didn’t know or fully understand about my grief. I am grateful for this newfound knowledge. My hope is that you will take these insights and come to your own understanding because your loss matters.

If you’re ready, share an insight of grief that you have experienced.

If not, that’s okay. If you would like you could set a timer for 5 minutes and write how you feel about grief. There is no right way to grieve. There is no right way to mourn.

If you’d like to listen, search for ‘Mel Robbins David Kessler’—you can watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify or your preferred streaming service.